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Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in Sundered Hearts.'s LiveJournal:

Thursday, March 24th, 2005
8:52 pm
I just found out that my ex cheated on me / left me for another man. But she refuses to tell me so and only tells me that its just her or any other variety of the 50 other excuses you use to break up with people. I hate her so much right now. But sadly I would get back with her because I love her so much. Pathetic. Why does this have to hurt so much.
Friday, March 4th, 2005
11:30 pm
Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
3:20 pm
I'm tired of this.....

I cant help but be hanging onto the hope that he is going to come back. Tell me it was all a big mistake.

I find myself searching for him during the day, and I know the chance of seeing him is little to none.....I am even thinking of excuses to give my friend to get him to see me. (i have no way to contact him as I anticipated all this and deleted his number from my phone......and I dont even know where he lives since he moved house the weekend he broke up with me)

It is really tearing me up inside.....I want to let go, but I cant :(

Current Mood: crushed
Sunday, February 20th, 2005
9:36 pm
I think I need to post here rather than in my own journal, because its getting depressing.

I had been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. We were very different in our personality and our likes and dislikes but we loved each other (or so I thought) and that should be all that matters, right?

We broke up the day after Valentines day. He told me he doesn't love me anymore.......it hurts more that he is willing to give up on our relationship so easily, rather than talking it through and figuring out how we can make things better and work around our differences.

He sounded very confused when he did start talking to me......he is not ready for the commitment of a long term relationship but I am the type of girl he would want to marry. He has so many things that he wants to do before he settles down......I told him I would have supported him in whatever he wanted to do.....and wasn't looking for a ring.......it sounds more like he has talked himself out of wanting to be with me, but I asked him this and he said he really didnt love me anymore :( I never wanted him to feel like I was holding him back.

Its funny but it hurts more that he let it go on so long like this, and even denied that he wasnt enjoying his time with me when directly asked....than the actual break up......he has hurt me more in the last three weeks (especially Valentines day) by not communicating with me, than he has in the whole relationship.

I kinda feel relieved....I really do love him....so much it hurts alot of the time, but I am exhausted from trying to carry our relationship soully on my shoulders......would I take him back?? Right now, in a heartbeat........probably even later, although it would be touch and go. I am realising now that he has been sabotaging our relationship.....he told me it was before Australia Day (Jan 26) when he started not caring for me....the last three/four weeks have been horrific for me, and even he admitted that he was probably unconsciously trying to be the villain. It hurt so much when I walked out on the limb last week and told him how much it hurts me when he doesnt contact me on the weekend.....even to say that he cant see me........and it just about killed me inside when after me saying that he didnt contact me this weekend. I felt physically sick all Valentines Day, when he didnt contact me.

He said I did everything right, there was nothing more I could have done......so why did this happen??

In the end there is nothing I can do so I should stop playing it over in my head, He doesnt love me, thats all there is to it. It hurts like hell because I still love him so much and there is nothing i can do.....there was nothing more even within the relationship I could have done, or so he says........still, how do you just fall out of love with someone without a reason?

I just want to know Why and How....did he fall out of love with me.

Current Mood: confused
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
12:08 am

We went shopping together the other night, for his neice. It was nice, there were no expectations, no arguements, and it was just so fun. I had thought he was going to bring me back up to his house and stay over like we used to, but he actually dropped me off home. It was heartbreaking, and reassuring at the same time. I really miss sleeping with his arms around me, especially now, but it was also nice because I could just see in his eyes that he enjoyed seeing me, and having it be a good time. I broke his balls when he thanked me for coming with him, "Oh, whatever, you just wanted to see me", in which he replied "yeah, so?". That was so nice to hear.


He hasn't called since. 2 days ago. I don't know if he's waiting for me to call him, if he's wrapped himself back up in her arms or if he's re-thinking missing me. I don't on the other hand, push him by calling him. That's why I left it up to him to call... I don't know.


Reading our entries makes me really sad. No girl deserves this kind of pain. It's really not fair at all.

Current Mood: sleepy
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
5:22 pm
"I'm just not in the mood to talk right now" "To me?" "yes, to you"
that was him saying goodbye on the phone last night.

After 3 years and millions of memories the party scene won him over. I hate this. I believed in true love. We loved each other and we needed each other. All I asked for was his love, but apparently I dont even deserve that. As of now he's blocked, but soon I'll get really lonely and depressed and unblock him and sit around all night waiting for him to IM me or for a reason to IM him. I hate being alone. I hate not being loved. I hate him for saying he still loves me but just doesn't want to be with me. I would type more, but I'm really sick today so I'm going to lay back down. Talking to him only made me feel worse.

Current Mood: shitty
12:05 pm
My ex went nutso in college then dumped me
My ex-boyfriend Steven broke up with me 2 months ago. He had no good reason that made any sense. We had been dating for 26 months. We partied together and loved each other very much.This year, I am a junior in college and heis a freshman. We both live on campus. I am an R.A., and he is a resident in a different dorm that me. At the beginning of this, his freshman year, he decided that he needs to be alone and that he fell out of love with me. I gave up a full tuition scholarship in South Carolina to come home and be with him. I haven't talked to him in 2 months. He broke my heart into a million pieces and I will never understand why.
Monday, December 6th, 2004
11:32 pm
So today, before I went to work, I called him. I know I shouldn't have, but I just couldn't resist the urge. I knew he wouldn't be home, he was at work, it was 2 o'clock, but I wanted to leave him a message. All I wanted to tell him was to be careful driving around today because I heard that it was supposed to turn from snow to snow and rain and sleet and freezing rain by the end of the day. I worry about him. I really do. I shouldn't. I should just try my damndest to ignore him. I can ignore my family's drinking problems, but not him? But anyways, so I left him that message, telling him to be careful please, and I said that I had to work all day so I probably wouldn't talk to him today. Why the fuck did I do that? I should have just left it at 'please be careful' but instead I told him that I wished we could talk today but I couldn't. I'm so pathetic. I really, truely, am sick of being the desperate one. I'm sick of argueing with him about why we should be together. I can't count how many times I've told him this too, and yet I continue doing it. I should just stop. He told me that we had fucked us up this time because we had forgotten to JUST be friends. When we broke up, and were still talking, we agreed to try to be friends. Well, then we stopped talking because of what Jess and I did to him and his friend. When he and I started talking again, it was because he had called me and professed his love for me. I had thought that we were never going to speak again, and that was ok because I had a new guy, Karl, to treat me right. To this day, I still wish that Mitch hadn't called me that night. It was the night that Karl had asked me out, and I liked him very much, but when Mitch called, I fell back into old habits. Jumping for him. He said 'jump' I asked 'how high'. It's always been like that with every guy I've been with, but every other one, I've been able to get over. Not him though. He's been tattoo'd to my heart. Even laser surgery wouldn't work to get him out of it. I hate the fact that I can write/type down that I wish he hadn't called me that night, but I'm lying. As Kristen said, if I hadn't answered that night, I would spend the rest of my life wondering "what if?", and that's a lousy thing to have to ponder. I'm soo glad that he did call that night, and that he let me know how he feels about me, but I don't understand why we aren't together if he loves me so much? I don't really want an answer to that. I know the answer.

I don't know if he's capable of love. Honestly. He treats me like shit sometimes, but other times he's soo wonderful to me, I never want to leave the safety and comfort of his arms. He tells me he loves me all the time. I can't handle him jerking me around all the time, but I know that if he calls me again this weekend asking if he can pick me up because he's drunk and missing me, I'll again ask "how high?", and end up regretting it by Sunday night/Monday morning. I know I should just not answer the phone if he calls this weekend, or say no if I do answer, but we both know that I won't have the will power. He's a drug to me, I can't get enough. I'm addicted. Boogers.

Current Mood: sad
Sunday, December 5th, 2004
6:48 pm
A fresh start..
Thats all I'm asking for.

Current Mood: sad
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